All month, we’ve been exploring male grief, the pressure boys and men feel to hide their emotions, and the cost of carrying it alone. The boys told us what it feels like on the inside. We also wanted to understand how that grief is seen from the outside.
So we asked teen girls at Experience Camps what they notice about boys who are grieving. Here’s what they had to say.
What girls see in how boys grieve
Instead of expressing grief through talking or crying, many boys hold it in or show it in other ways like anger, joking, or shutting down. It is not that they feel less, it is that they are taught from a young age that showing those feelings makes them look weak. When boys are given a space where they feel safe and supported, like at Experience Camps, it’s clear they are just as capable of being open and emotional.
— Amber, 17
I’ve seen boys who are grieving laugh things off or change the subject when conversations start to get emotional, even when it’s obvious they’re hurting. It makes me think about how much pressure there is on boys to seem strong all the time, and how that can make them feel alone in their grief. It’s important they have spaces like Experience Camps because when boys feel like they won’t be judged, they’re much more willing to open up about what they’re really feeling.
— Riya, 15
The cost of boys hiding their grief
Society doesn’t just tell boys “don’t cry,” it also teaches them that their value comes from being steady, unshaken, and in control. When grief isn’t processed, it can turn into emotional distance, sudden outbursts, or even physical stress. This can make it harder for boys to build deep relationships or ask for help when they need it most.
— Riya, 17
Most people view girls as more emotional and vulnerable, while boys are seen as tough, closed off, and collected. This makes expressing emotion more difficult for boys. They may feel judged and embarrassed, which makes expressing grief extremely difficult. These beliefs are extremely outdated and stupid. We should all be able to grieve openly.
— Sydney, 16
It’s toxic masculinity that has taught boys it’s weak to show their feelings at such a young age. I have seen this many times, where they brush it off or avoid the topic, even when there is a weight of feelings they keep pushing down.
— NuNu, 15
I feel like people don’t really know how to help a teenage boy who is grieving. As a girl, crying is very normal and often encouraged in the grieving process. Boys often isolate themselves and try to deal with grief on their own.
— Leila, 17
Grief for boys can feel isolating or even scary, because showing emotion is seen as weak or helpless. But grief is already isolating enough. Why do we treat boys like their grief should not even exist?
— Ellen, 13
What’s clear is that what these girls see on the outside echoes what boys told us they experience on the inside. Too many boys are carrying grief alone. When they have spaces where they feel safe, their grief doesn’t disappear, it becomes visible. And once it’s visible, they don’t have to hold it by themselves.
Want to learn more about how boys and young men grieve differently, why it matters, and what we can all do? Follow our Male Grief Campaign on Instagram, Facebook and our blog. We’ll be sharing diverse voices and experiences all month long. If you’re interested in mentoring boys by volunteering at Experience Camps, visit here.
