“Hi Sara, My friend died on Saturday, leaving behind a wife and daughter. Do you have any advice on how I can help?”
I’ve received some version of this email at least 50 times over the years. People reaching out because someone they care about is hurting, and they want to do something — anything — to help.
The impulse is beautiful. But the execution? That’s where people get stuck.
Most of us have no idea what to do when someone we love is grieving. We want to fix it, ease the pain, or at least say the right thing. But grief doesn’t work that way. It’s messy and unpredictable, and there’s no script that works for everyone.
So when those emails land in my inbox, here’s what I tell people:
The Approach
Timing is everything. In those first days and weeks after a death, grieving people are often in survival mode — managing logistics, fielding calls, and just trying to breathe. They’re not ready to think about resources or what comes next.
Give them space. Wait a few weeks before offering information about grief support. And when you do reach out, keep it simple and pressure-free:
“I know of an organization called Experience Camps that supports grieving children. When you’re ready, I’d be happy to share what I know or connect you to someone there. In the meantime, here are some resources that you might find helpful when the time is right.”
Then let it go. Don’t be surprised if they don’t respond right away — or at all. Grief has its own timeline. Plant the seed, but don’t overwater it.
The Resources
I’ve curated this list based on what I’ve seen resonate with grieving families over the years.
For Adults:
- Experience Camps Grief Resources – Practical blog posts and tips for navigating the messy middle of grief
- What’s Your Grief – A blog, podcast, resource hub, and space for sharing
- Eluna Resource Center – Resources on a range of grief topics
For Kids & Teens:
- GRIEF SUCKS – A straight-talking website and social media presence (Instagram and TikTok @griefsucksdotcom) designed for grieving teens who need real talk, not platitudes
- Sesame Street – Grief – Videos, articles and games geared towards younger kids.
- National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) – Find local bereavement groups and grief therapists by location
About Experience Camps
If the person you’re supporting has children in grades 4-12 who lost a parent, sibling, or primary caregiver, here’s what they should know:
- It’s completely free – including travel to and from camp. We also offer need-based transportation scholarships for kids outside the regions we serve.
- No referral needed – A caregiver can apply directly at www.experiencecamps.org. Applications for new campers open on November 1st for the next summer.
- We have locations nationwide – One-week camps run in Maine, Michigan, California, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Texas, and Maryland.
- Not too soon and never too late – We accept campers no less than 6 months from the death of their person by the start of camp. There is no limit on the time since the death occurred. We even have campers whose parent or sibling died before they were born.
Supporting someone through grief isn’t about having all the answers. Sometimes it’s about not having answers, just listening and helping to hold the person’s heavy feelings with them so they feel less alone.
If the timing does feel right to share the resources above, offer them with no expectations. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to simply hand someone a map and allow them to choose their own path forward.
Sara Deren is the founder and CEO of Experience Camps. Under her leadership, Experience Camps has conducted original research on the state of grief and launched a national network of programs and platforms for grieving kids and teens. She received her MBA from Columbia, and blends her background of 12 years in finance and business with her passion for the mission. In 2020, she received an award for “Best Entrepreneurial, Scaling” from Connecticut Entrepreneur Awards, and was named a “Patriots Difference Maker” by The Krafts Family and Patriots Foundation. Sara was named by Causeartist one of 32 nonprofit leaders who will impact the world in 2022 and was a 2023 mentor at the SXSW festival.
