At Experience Camps, one of the things campers tell us they love most about our camp is that they can just relax. They know at camp they are not the “weird one’ whose family died; everyone at camp has been through some version of that. School? That’s a different story; that’s a place where most grieving kids have to navigate who they tell about a death, how they tell it, and how much they do or don’t want to talk about. This month we invited the teens from our Youth Advisory Board to share more about their school experiences.
[Click here for part 1 of the series and part 2.]
Olivia, age 18
My name is Olivia, and my dad died in a motorcycle accident on his way to work when I was nine. It was during the summer when he passed away. So when I returned to school many people didn’t know how to approach the topic and didn’t say anything about it. I was in 5th grade. I went to a one-room schoolhouse that didn’t really understand how to deal with students who had experienced a death and didn’t have the resources, so my mom decided it would be best if I switched schools. Halfway through my 5th-grade year, I switched to a larger school with better resources. When I was at my new school, there was an amazing guidance counselor who I met with once a week to talk about what was on my mind. It didn’t necessarily have to be about my dad, but it could have been about anything that was bothering me. It was the escape I needed. She taught me different coping and stress-relieving techniques that I could use, like journaling, breathing techniques, and meditation. She gave me a place where I could talk about what was going on in my life without worrying about being judged or pitied. It’s not that I couldn’t talk to my mom, but sometimes it was hard to find time to just talk about what was going on, and it was nice to have a designated time to talk to someone who wasn’t related to me.
Teelin, age 16
I was four when my father died from a heart attack. Mr. Thatcher, or Frankie as everyone calls him, is one of my school counselors, and I’m lucky enough to have him as mine. Today was just a normal day at school until I got to the middle of math class when the teacher said, “Teelin, Frankie wants to see you.” As I’m walking down to the office, I’m running through all the potential bad things I’ve done in the past week that would warrant me a visit with my counselor. Although, if I were really in trouble, I wouldn’t be going to Frankie; I would be going to the principal. I get to his office, and he has the paper with my class selections for next year out on his desk. I let out a mental sigh of relief. We chatted about my classes for a little bit and rearranged some things in my schedule. Eventually, we started talking about college, and I mentioned I’d like to go to college in Pennsylvania. Frankie talks to a billion different kids in a day and somehow remembers my dad’s family is from Pennsylvania. We started talking about my father. Frankie does know that my father died when I was young, probably because he also is my sister‘s counselor, and they must’ve talked about it. He started asking some questions and then asked me if talking about my father made me uncomfortable, and I said “no, I love it.” He then kept asking me more questions, which I gladly answered, and I even ended up talking about Experience Camps. I loved this interaction with Frankie because he wasn’t scared to talk about what could’ve been a touchy subject when he very easily could’ve skipped over it. He made the choice to bring up my father, and I love that. It opened a door to a whole new side of our relationship we would otherwise not have known existed. Thank you Frankie.
Gracie, age 14
My mom died when I was eight years old from cancer. People around me have always been very supportive and understanding of my situation and are always “careful” when talking about my mom. Most people don’t know that I enjoy talking about my mom and it brings me joy because she was such a beautiful human. Their are guidance counselors at my school, but I prefer talking to my teachers. I feel like my teachers understand what I’m going through because they have known me for so many years. There are also two kids in my grade who have also lost their parents. It’s always nice to be surrounded by kids who understand what I went through and what I’m going through now. Personally, I feel like there should be a dedicated grief counselor at school to help kids who are going through any type of grief. Not only for kids who lost their parents, but for kids who have lost any loved one and who are struggling with their journey. When I think of someone who is supportive of my grief journey, it’s usually all my teachers and friends. More specifically my best friends Brooklyn and Carlos have helped me talk about my grief and have made it possible for me to open up. Without friends like them I wouldn’t be as strong as I am and as brave as I am. In general, I feel like having grief assemblies and grief counselors would be a great way to have kids express their grief and talk about it. Everyone at school should normalize talking openly about grief so we can all eventually learn to support each other.
Our YAB (Youth Advisory Board) is made up of pre-teens and teens who attended Experience Camps and care deeply about helping the public understand how to better support grieving children. We give our YAB a mission each month, in which they share insights about grief and reflections from their own journey. We also use their insights and ideas to inform our programming, initiatives, and campaigns. Who better to hear from when it comes to childhood grief than young people themselves?
