As the founder and CEO of Experience Camps for grieving children, I hear it all the time:
“How can I be there for my friend who is grieving?” and “I feel so awful – I wish I knew what to do.”
Turns out, it’s simpler than you might think.
In the weeks since my dad died, I’ve been on the receiving end of extraordinary kindness. Certain moments have carved themselves into my memory – not because they were grand gestures, but because they were so deeply human. I’m sharing this list in the hope that it inspires others to show up. Borrow an idea. Steal the language. Let it spark something personal.
Here’s what it looks like to show up for someone who’s grieving:
- After I texted my friend Rachel the day after my dad died, she appeared in my driveway seven minutes later – just to give me a hug.
- Colleagues and board members came to the funeral and Shiva, wrote heartfelt notes, made donations, sent food, and checked in again and again. They weren’t there for me as a CEO – they were there for me as a human and a friend.
- My friends, Amy and Roseanne, left a home-cooked meal on my doorstep with a note saying they had spent the morning cooking and talking about my dad (who they’d never met).
- My 16-year-old – usually not one for big emotions – wrapped his arms around me and held on for five full minutes while I sobbed.
- My husband, Jon, picked up every dropped ball: the kids, the broken dryer, the million little pieces of life – so I could just grieve.
- My unofficial grief sherpa, Lexie, curated the most thoughtful care package: my favorite caramels, a massage, wind chimes, a fuzzy blanket. Every item was chosen with intention, each one whispering, “I see you.”
- So many friends went beyond “I’m sorry for your loss.” They spoke about my dad’s warm smile, mentioned something they had read in his obituary, and shared reflections that made him feel real to them, too.
- Our rabbis created meaningful moments at Shiva – even for someone like me, who isn’t particularly religious. One even brought her baby (at my request) so I could get some snuggles.
- My mom’s friends and neighbors promised to look after her – giving me peace in knowing she wouldn’t be all alone.
- People drove and flew to NJ from far away places like Massachusetts and Texas to sit by my side. Others texted and called from Mexico to India just to say, “I’m with you.”
- Michelle, my mama-bear colleague, reminded me to go outside, put my face to the sun, and let me ramble about spirituality and shared consciousness without judgment.
- Danny, my board chair, sent me jokes every day. I forwarded every one to my mom – because laughter felt good.
- Three different friends brought me shoes to the funeral because I packed the wrong ones.
And the list goes on.
I know I live in a uniquely grief-informed world because of the work I do. But still, I was struck by how meaningful even the smallest gestures could be.
You don’t need to be an expert in grief to show up for someone who’s grieving. It’s not about having the perfect words. It’s about intention. Presence. Authenticity.
These big and little acts of kindness helped me feel less alone – wrapped in love during the hardest moments of my life. They reminded me that community can hold you up when you can’t stand on your own.
(Especially when you pack the wrong shoes.)
And I’ll never forget how my people showed up for me.
Sara Deren is the founder and CEO of Experience Camps. Under her leadership, Experience Camps has conducted original research on the state of grief and launched a national network of programs and platforms for grieving kids and teens. She received her MBA from Columbia, and blends her background of 12 years in finance and business with her passion for the mission. In 2020, she received an award for “Best Entrepreneurial, Scaling” from Connecticut Entrepreneur Awards, and was named a “Patriots Difference Maker” by The Krafts Family and Patriots Foundation. Sara was named by Causeartist one of 32 nonprofit leaders who will impact the world in 2022 and was a 2023 mentor at the SXSW festival.
