We’re glad to see our community has been drawing hope and taking help from our Youth Advisory Board in “Teen Insights on Navigating Holiday Grief.” Below we’re posting additional thoughts from more of our teens…because, hey, the holiday season can feel real long and many of us can use as many tips and strategies as possible. Read on!
Gracie, age 13: Some holidays are harder than others. I have a twin brother who really helps when I’m sad. I also have a pretty big family outside my house who I know will be there to comfort me when I need it. I think the best advice I can give to grieving teens around the holidays is to surround yourself with the people you feel safe with. Holidays without your loved ones are hard but it’s good to know that it does get better and you have to feel the highs and the lows.
Gabi, age 17: As each year goes by, I try to convince myself that the Holidays get easier. I’ve evolved to thinking… my grief will be different each year, and that’s ok. My one piece of advice is spend the holiday season with people that you love, doing things that you love. Whether that’s having friends over to watch a holiday movie, decorating holiday cookies with your families, or Facetiming a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. This is a time of year to be intentional about what you choose to do. This is something that you have control over… given that grief likes to come smack you in the face whenever it feels like it. This year, I have begun hyping myself up for the holidays by watching all of the new Christmas movie trailers on Netflix. I made a list that I will start watching the day after Thanksgiving.
Jaymul, age 16: The holiday season can be tough because my dad isn’t here to celebrate. It’s a mix of missing him and feeling like something is just…off. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or guilty for trying to enjoy parts. One thing that helps me is creating little ways to remember them during the holidays. When we lived in India he still tried to let us experience Christmas. He’d make fake snow, a fireplace and so many little things. Now that we are actually in America it doesn’t feel as real as the ones he’d make for us. Sometimes, I’ll hang an ornament that reminds me of them or make food that reminds me. I also try to focus on the people still here—leaning on friends or family for support. It doesn’t make the pain disappear, but it reminds me I’m not alone. Whatever you’re feeling, know it’s valid, and taking care of yourself, even in small ways, matters.
Ann, age 13: The holidays are a time of year especially hard on my and many other people’s grief. Not having your loved ones with you to celebrate holidays that are supposed to be happy is really hard. My brother passed away when I was young so I don’t have many memories of holidays back then but one of the things I do remember is playing board games as a family. So now on holidays I really enjoy keeping the tradition alive and playing board games. I also like listening to music that reminds me of my brother and lighting a candle for him, to keep him close to my heart during the holiday season.
Lola, age 13: For me holidays are something I dread for years because of feeling lonely and out of place. But the more time has passed I’ve been able to accept reality and learn how to better cope with my thoughts as well as emotions. As grievers we unfortunately get used to people not always being around, but just because they aren’t here doesn’t mean we can’t admire and celebrate as if they were. For me and my family we reminisce about the people we’ve lost. Especially when sometimes just being able to sit, laugh, smile or even cry remembering and loving the people we miss. Personally I love being able to spend time with family or friends and also just treating myself to be open and lively during the best time of the year.
Alexander, age 15: For me the holidays are some of the most difficult times after losing my dad. The advice I would give to other grieving teens is to appreciate and honor the memories you had with your loved one. My gamily put up ornaments that we got together on vacation with my dad in the front of the tree, and we leave a spot at the dinner for him. I would recommend this because you can feel the presence of your loved one without them being there. Instead of thinking of the holidays as a sad time, I try to focus on the good memories and to bring back those traditions that we did together.
Javier, age 14: The biggest piece of advice for the holidays I have is to spend it with people you love. Whether it’s your family or your friends having a good environment around you is the best thing you could do for yourself. I also think it’s good to reminisce on the holidays you had with your person with other people that knew them and try and think about all the amazing times you had with them. I sometimes look at memories that my photos app automatically makes and when I see my person the happy feelings start to flood in, especially if I am with my sisters or mom.
Teelin, age 15: When I was younger I enjoyed the holidays very much and never had any problems enjoying them. I loved Halloween and Christmas, and all the traditions made me very happy. However, as I grew up, around Christmas time especially, the winter holiday season started to be more and more challenging for me. I felt the pressure from my friends and family to be happy when in reality I wasn’t. I missed my father and seeing all the families come together hurt because my father wasn’t there and he couldn’t come together with the rest of my family. I felt that if I wasn’t happy around others then I would be the odd one out. It seemed everyone else was happy or at least was “supposed to be.” As I grew older and I lived through winters without my dad, I learned that you’re not the odd one out on holidays if you aren’t happy and that no one is pressuring you to feel a certain way. This was a very important lesson for me to understand. After this awareness, I felt the freedom to express the emotions I was honestly feeling, not the ones I felt obligated to feel. I was relieved and happy that I simultaneously felt good on the holidays even when I missed my father. The advice I would give others is to remember that there is never a certain way someone is supposed to feel at any specific time, and never to feel like you have to comply with the norm of being “happy” on the holidays.
Annika, age 13: One thing I recommend for other teenagers during the holiday season is to try not to withdraw. I know that the holidays aren’t the same as before but trying to keep your traditions alive is the best thing you can do. I hate celebrating Christmas because it reminds me too much of my dad, but I still try. It’s hard and now that we have a blended family, our traditions are changing, but that doesn’t mean that I have to change as well. Every year when Christmas comes around I find something else to love, something that won’t change and that I can rely on. Then I participate in what I need to, so I can make my mom happy, and spend the rest of the day time taking care of myself. Self-care is important during the holidays, whether it’s by sleeping, taking a shower, spending time with friends, painting your nails, or whatever else calms you down and makes you happy.
For more insights from teens, visit GRIEF SUCKS, our digital teen platform for grieving teens.
