Stress is on high for millions of kids who are fretting about new teachers and friendship dynamics and how they will figure out the combo lock on their school lockers. For young people who are grieving, it can be far more fraught, as they worry about how to avoid being the “weird” kid with a dead family member and what, if anything, to tell their teachers and friends about the death. How can we best support these millions of kids in order to make the transition as gentle as possible? Check out our tips below.
For parents and caregivers:
- Talk ahead of time with the school staff.
Reach out to the student’s teachers, guidance counselor, and administrators so everyone is clear on the situation and can develop a plan for support when your student returns to school. It’s particularly important that your child knows who their allies are ahead of time. Also, make sure your child has a say in who (teacher, guidance counselor, etc.) will know what about the death, and here’s a post to help your child come up with a plan that works for them.
- Write a letter to your child’s teacher.
We all know that teachers are extremely busy at the start of the school year, bombarded with requests for meetings from parenting. You may be wondering when a good time will be to share some of the ways your child’s teacher can be supportive. Here’s a free, pre-written letter we developed that you can tweak to your needs and email to the teacher to get things started.
- Make sure the support team is collaborating.
If your child is already seeing an outside therapist in regards to their grief, consider providing any required legal forms that allow the school staff and therapist to communicate with each other. This can ensure they will implement similar strategies and supports in the school setting and therapy office. You definitely want your child to get consistent support and not have to worry about who is “right.”
*Find more tips for caregivers on our Help Your Grieving Child Adjust Back to School post.
GRIEF SUCKS (www.griefsucks.com), created with and for grieving teens, sheds light on their insights and perspectives.
For school staff:
- Check out the digital platform GRIEF SUCKS, made with and for grieving teens to best understand the concerns and issues of kids in middle school and high school. In particular, we recommend the Telly award winning “The Real Talk” video series, in which kids talk about their personal experiences of navigating grief at school.
- An estimated seven million children in the U.S. have been diagnosed with ADHD. It’s important to note that many of the symptoms experienced by kids with ADHD are similar or the same as kids experiencing grief. They may, for example, have trouble paying attention, controlling impulsive behaviors (may act without thinking about what the result will be), or being overly active. It’s essential to know which is which; read How Educators Can Distinguish Grief from ADHD.
- For coaches, with all that’s been going on in the world, there’s a good likelihood that you’re going to have one or more grieving children on your team this fall. Given that they look to you for role modeling and guidance, please check out 6 Ways Coaches Can Show Up for Grieving Athletes
For parents who want to raise empathetic kids:
- If your child is in class with a grieving student–and you want to share with them how to be a good friend–check out Help Your Child Support a Grieving Friend or Peer. We also highly recommend encouraging them to play “Grief Quest” on Roblox to have fun completing a virtual scavenger hunt while learning concrete ways to support grieving peers.
There is no one right way to handle the back-to-school season, as every grief journey is individual and brings with it different challenges. What works in September may no longer work in October, and it’s essential to stay flexible as you figure out your rhythms and routines. We’re here for you; please continue to check out our regular updated GRIEF RESOURCES.
