Grief can be extraordinarily hard during the holidays, which is a surprise to exactly no one. But how it’s hard is unique to each person, and so is the way grieving people navigate the feels. That’s why we asked many of the grieving teens on our Youth Advisory Board to share their strategies, thoughts, insights, and reflections. We hope they’ll bring you comfort and remind you that you’re not alone!
Amber, age 16: The holiday season is starting, and I know how tough it can be for grieving teens. After I lost my dad, the holidays felt completely different; it was like a huge part of the season was missing, and I felt this emptiness that made it hard to enjoy the celebrations. One thing that helps me is finding ways to honor my dad’s memory. I might do something he loved—like cooking his favorite foods or listening to a song we both enjoyed—so he still feels close. I also make sure to take breaks when it all feels too overwhelming, even if that means stepping away from family gatherings for a few minutes. It’s okay to feel sad, even while others are celebrating, and it’s okay to find your own way to cope. Remembering that my feelings are valid helps me get through, and I hope other teens can find small ways to feel connected to their person too.
Erin, age 16: I think the winter holidays are one of the most challenging parts of the year for my grief. Christmas is a time of family so having part of mine missing is really apparent in the winter. I think the hardest holiday for me is New Years. It represents one more year that my dad has been dead. Any holiday to celebrate the passing of time is really challenging for someone who yearns for the past.
Grayson, age 16: I think the holidays can be hard for anybody who has lost someone, regardless of who it is. I know for me, losing my brother, I miss a lot of traditions I used to do with him. One thing that helps me when I’m feeling sad is to think of all the good memories those traditions made, and be glad to have those memories. Sometimes even when you are feeling overwhelmed, remembering all the good times you had with your person during the holidays can help ground you. Another thing I do is create new traditions, so that while I can enjoy the memories I had with my brother, I can also make new ones with other people and not feel stuck in time. As always, if I am ever feeling too emotional during the holidays, I will take a break because stepping away from whatever is happening is also perfectly fine.
Riya, age 14: It is hard to feel happy and want to celebrate the holidays when your person is not there with you. I have had many holidays without my dad, but one thing that really helps is knowing that there are so many other people in my life that love me, and can be with me so I’m not alone. During the holidays, especially the winter holidays, I try to enjoy the time with my family, but I keep my dad close in my heart, and the rest of my family’s as well. We know that he is always with us, even if he can’t be there physically with us to celebrate. If you try not to think about your person during the holidays, it will only make you think about them more. I think it is important for teens to know that it’s ok to think about your person, just know you are not alone.
Giovanni, age 13: The holidays hadn’t started when my father passed, but when they came I felt lonely and saddened that I wasn’t able to spend the holidays with him that I was planning on doing that year. Though I didn’t get to spend time on the holidays that year, I spent it with people I love and trust in my family. My family helped me and guided me through the holidays, and I suggest teens should try to spend time with the people they care for.
Following holiday traditions from before a family death is comforting for some, and heartbreaking for others.
Olivia, age 17: The holidays can be especially hard when someone you love isn’t there to celebrate with you. One way I found to help cope is to keep up the traditions you shared with them—this can help bring back good memories and make you feel closer to them. For me, watching our favorite holiday movies and baking helps lift my spirits and reminds me of the good times I had with my dad. It’s also helpful to spend time with family and friends. You’re likely not alone in missing them, and coming together can make everyone not feel as alone during the holidays. Sharing memories, even if it brings up some sadness, helps keep their spirit alive and brings a sense of togetherness. Though it can feel lonely without them, remembering their love and the joy they brought can add some warmth to the season.
Sarafina, age 15: My dad died when I was young so the first holiday memories I have, he wasn’t in them. But, one thing that is hard during the holidays is seeing holiday cards with whole families. It makes me sad to know my dad hasen’t been in them for a long time but my mom always makes sure to add something special as a reminder of him.
Leila, age 16: The holiday season is really hard for me just as it is everyone else. I miss traditions like Christmas, cards, picking out the tree, and baking with my mom. I find that me and my family try to keep as many traditions alive, like cutting down a tree together. My dad, my two brothers, and I all cut down a tree and a few days later we decorate it. My dad’s girlfriend has joined in and so have my brother’s girlfriends. When we decorate we always put up my mom’s favorite angel on the tree and my brother and I point out my mom’s favorite ornaments. During the holiday season I definitely feel a weight on my chest and there really is no way for me to get over that and I think for years to come the holidays will make me sad so I choose to just embrace it. I let myself feel emotional and sad on Christmas’s morning, and me and my brothers sit with a photo of our mom and light a candle for her.
Simone, age 16: Personally I don’t know what advice to give other than be aware of yourself and how you handle your grief. Because around Christmas, thanksgiving and New Years I get stressed easily and my fight to do things isn’t there. I notice I don’t really know what to do other than wish he was here. Wish I was still clinging to him at parties. One thing I continuously try to do is watch a movie or movies with my siblings and help each other with the emptiness where our father should’ve been. That’s all I can really say. As I still haven’t fully found a way to cope during these times or celebrations.
Janiyah, age 17: When holidays come around I start to feel disappointed due to having to celebrate yet another year without my dad. Some advice that I received over the years that I could pass on to someone going through grief would be to occupy yourself with the loved ones that are with you. Of course that might get you a temporary feeling of relief but what I found that is helpful also is to still include your loved one that passed. For example, everyone can gather together and sing the person’s favorite song, etc.
For more insights from teens, visit GRIEF SUCKS, our digital teen platform for grieving teens.
