There are various ways we may choose to stay connected to our people after they have died. For me it’s always writing letters to my Dad. I write to him often when at camp, to help me feel more connected. Below are some of the letters I wrote to him, taken from my journal, over the course of various Experience Camps programs I’ve participated in.
6.3.25
Hey Dad,
I just spent the weekend at family camp, and I’m off to adult weekend on Thursday. I’ll write more there, but for now, some things I want to remember to come back to:
- Singing the Oscar Mayer bologna song while making name necklaces
- Moms dancing in sunglasses on stage
- Sharing a death date
- Goofing next to the lake
- Watching the Knicks with New Yorkers
- First time as a bunk counselor!
- Disco ball campfire
- More time with old friends
- New friends
- Big tears
- Belly laughs
It was only two nights and only a couple hours away, and aside from the cold, the perfect way to say goodbye to goodbye season* and kick off name necklace** season. I’ve got to do laundry and re-pack, and then it’s off again. See you at the lake.
Love you,
Kelia
*how I refer to April/May as we approach Dad’s death anniversary, along with the school year endings, and the over and over again endings of NHL and NBA playoffs
**how I refer to camp/camp season because we always make them and I’m never in a rush to take mine off
6.7.25
Hey Dad,
I’m back at camp. We’re not down by the lake because of the rain, but I am outside. We just did some drumming right before this, and I’m not actually sure what we’re up to this afternoon.
It was really beautiful to watch families be silly together at camp last weekend, and I told them as much. Also all the tattoos you maybe would’ve hated were a huge hit, and all the kids in the family I was matched with especially liked ‘the difficulty in life is the choice’ tattoo on my leg.
I don’t know if I ever would’ve been here if you weren’t dead. And also what I wouldn’t give for you to not be dead. I’m still forever going to be sad I don’t get to have (more) adult conversations with you. I’m sitting on a tennis court* right now, and it’s good and bad.
Sometimes you have to get in headspaces for things to come back – like listening to certain music or sharing stories – and other times it’s tapping into physical spaces. You’re always at the beach. You’re always at camp. You’re always in a cup of coffee.
We’ve got to get on to what’s next soon enough today, so I’ve got to go. Felt good to not have to apologize to you this time for how long it’s been.
I love you, and we’ll talk Tuesday,
Kelia
*the Bergins spent a lot of time at the tennis/basketball courts down the street from our house at the baseball field, Dad very much included
8.21.25
Hey Dad,
It’s been a minute, and it’s not Tuesday, but I’m at camp, and I’m with my same bunk from the past few years, and Mom’s here too! She’s with a bunk of all new campers. I’ve made time to play basketball and dodgeball already, and I got to speak at midweek campfire last night and tell everybody about how we used to play in the house, and challenge everyone to be more inclusive.
I love camp. I’m definitely getting slimed later, and I might be getting chocolate sauced as well. I’ve met most of the people I didn’t already know, and I’m having a great time. Though now we’ve hit the back end of the week, those ‘I don’t want to go home’ feelings are kicking in. I have to go for now and get on with other parts of the day, and I’ll write again Tuesday.
Love,
Kelia
10.11.25
Hey Dad,
Back at camp. Got here yesterday, leave tomorrow, easiest drive I’ve ever had and I think it’s thanks to the time of year. It’s a new location but super near the other one in PA, and so still 4+ hours. I was early, so I stopped for (more) coffee, in a place that was a coffee shop, plant store, and thrift store all in one. Throw in some dogs and french fries and I probably never would’ve left. Got to chatting – just as you or Mom would’ve – with the barista, who now has Experience Camps bookmarked in his phone.
And then I got here, knowing I was helping to facilitate – via running some sharing circles – and not much else. 24 hours ago, all my roommates were strangers. Me and five others. They all seem great, and I already have learned some things I have in common with some – like living in Massachusetts, having studied in Ireland, and packing a bathing suit for this weekend, just in case. And then at the campfire last night, I got to thinking, because of course. And had the strong desire to let you know that I didn’t need you to come pick me up, because I was okay. And also not okay. But okay. Because you know me, and who I am, and what I’m about. Because a lot of that is thanks to you. And Mom. (And me.) So hey it took a minute, but I can do sleepovers now. In new places and with new people. I’m doing it – living, traveling, working, making new friends as an adult.
Thank you, again and as always, for everything you did. And didn’t do. I guess I’ll take camp as the silveriest lining there is, but I wish you were here, in more than just my journal and your backpack. And I wish we got to go in the water (but I won’t fight the safety rules).
Love you, see you Tuesday,
Kelia
Kelia Bergin, LMHC (she/her) is a grief specialist at Experience Camps in Pennsylvania. She helps to facilitate the FTA (For the Adult) weekends, and attended her first family camp this past year for Experience Camps as well. Kelia works in college mental health in Massachusetts. Her longstanding favorite camp activities are letter writing and midweek campfire.
