When you’re grieving, the holidays can feel like a cruel mismatch. The world is blaring joy and togetherness, and you’re just trying to make it through the day without crying in the grocery store.
People will often tell you to “treat yourself”—book a massage, go out for dinner, do something nice for you. It’s kind advice, but sometimes unrealistic. Between paying bills, parenting solo, or simply not having the energy to put on real pants, leaving the house can feel like one more impossible thing.
So instead of grand gestures, we wanted to offer something gentler: gifts you can give yourself in short, manageable bursts. They don’t cost much (or anything), they don’t require a sitter, and you can do them exactly on your own terms.
Here are seven small, meaningful gifts to help you through the season.
- The gift of saying “No, thanks” (without explaining)
You don’t have to go to every party or family dinner. You don’t have to respond to every text. You don’t owe anyone a reason. Grief already demands so much of your energy—protecting what’s left is an act of strength, not selfishness. Try it once this week: say no with kindness and no explanation. Then notice the relief in your body. That’s your nervous system exhaling.
- The gift of a memory moment
You don’t have to create an elaborate ritual to honor your person. Light a candle. Write their name on a piece of paper and tuck it in your pocket. Play their favorite song or cook their favorite dish. These small acts bring them into your day in quiet, comforting ways. You’re reminding yourself: they’re still part of your story, even as it changes shape.
- The gift of a solo walk (or drive) with no agenda
Sometimes the walls close in, and what you need most is a few minutes of space. Go for a walk. Or drive with the windows cracked and no destination in mind. You don’t have to listen to anything deep—put on a song, a podcast, or silence. The point isn’t to “clear your head.” It’s to remind yourself that you’re still here, still moving, even when everything inside feels still.
- The gift of imperfect traditions
Maybe you don’t put up the tree this year or polish the menorah. Maybe you skip the family card. Maybe you order pizza instead of cooking the big meal. That’s not failure—it’s adaptation. You’re finding a new rhythm in a changed world. Traditions can bend without breaking. This year’s version doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s, or even like your own from last year.
- The gift of one tiny joy
It might be a mug that makes you smile, a candle that smells like the woods, or the feeling of fresh sheets. Small joys matter, especially in grief. They’re not about “fixing” anything; they’re small reminders that comfort can still exist in the same world as pain. Tiny joys don’t erase grief. They just reassure you: you still get to have moments of okay.
- The gift of asking for help (and accepting it)
When someone asks, “What can I do?”—take them up on it. Let them pick up groceries, bring dinner, or walk the dog. It’s not a burden; it’s an invitation to connection. Letting people help you doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human, and humans need each other, especially now.
- The gift of letting it be messy
You don’t have to fake cheerfulness or gratitude. You can cry during the toast, laugh through tears, or excuse yourself halfway through dessert. Grief is messy, and so are the holidays. You’re doing your best. That’s enough.
So this season, give yourself gifts that don’t come wrapped in paper or ribbons. Luxuriate in the gifts of time, permission, grace, and freedom. Not only are they gentle and soothing, but you never have to return them because they fit wrong—or bury them in the basement because they’re just plain tacky.
Michelle Cove is the Communications Manager for Experience Camps, a national award-winning nonprofit that transforms the lives of grieving children. She is a national bestselling author, award-winning documentary filmmaker, and journalist, whose projects have been featured on numerous national platforms including “The Today Show,” The Washington Post, and ABC’s “The View” and The New York Times. Visit www.michellecove.com to learn more.
